Back in the dating game

Eek, I haven’t put fingers to keyboard for a while, mostly ‘cos nothing much was happening on the dating front and I find it a tad depressing to delve into my singleness sometimes, even though I have some amusing stories to tell you from the past couple of years. But they can wait.

Okay, here’s the progress report. I joined an internet dating site under extreme pressure from a mate who was determined to write my profile. And she did a good job, granted, but it did little to stop the influx of strange men I was expecting to contact me. First there was the ugly guy who said he was 35 and looked 55. Sad. Then there was the fat guy who kept talking about being lonely and wanting cuddles. Desperate. Then the investment banker who sounded great but just wasn’t fanciable. Typical.

Again under pressure from my mate I sent out a barrage of emails to suitable bachelors and awaited replies. And waited. And waited. Not one of them got back to me. Uttlery deflated I gave up and decided to let them come to me, I’d just have to do a bit of quality control.

I held conversations with one guy who seemed normal. I say conversations, they were more like statements ‘cos he wasn’t really on the chatty side. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and met him for a drink and discovered he has no problem with being chatty at all – I struggled to get a word in, in fact - and although occasionally on the boring side he seemed nice, intelligent, witty, sporty etc and kinda cute. He’s also 6ft 3ins tall and well built. Perfect. He also held doors open for me, walked me to my car and actually made me feel petite. And that never happens!

Last night was date number two, and I cooked him dinner. It was a nice relaxed evening with lots of kisses and cuddles and he was quite keen to stay over. I think his intentions were honorable, he just felt settled in for the night, but I put my foot down and kicked him out at 11.30pm. Part of me was looking forward to curling up in bed – alone – and watching a DVD. Is that normal when I guy is offering to help you warm the bed?

So, this guy is nice and I like him, I do. The main downside is that he rambles on a bit and he likes innuendo text messages which I do not. All men seem desperate to engage in sex talk via text and that’s a game I refuse to play. It’s boring, unoriginal and a waste of free texts, end of.

So, what was the point I was making? Ah yes, he’s a nice guy and today he’s told me he’s smitten, bless, but part of me thinks: is this what I want? Do I have time for someone else in my life? Am I willing to give up some of my “me time”, why am I not feeling totally blown away by all the compliments and attention?

Perhaps this is just the way it is and I’ve forgotten what it’s like. Perhaps I’m a bit wary about getting hurt, hurting other people and dating in general? I haven’t told my mate about the dates either, I kinda didn’t want any added pressure. A couple of people know but generally I’m keeping my gob shut until I actually have something proper to report, ie like changing my single status on Facebook. Now that really is serious stuff!

Got dinner at his place next week and he’s already hinted about staying over so I can have a drink. Does he think I’m an alcoholic? He mentioned the spare room but I know that’s an unlikely arrangement and I want to retain some control over the situation and not exchange bodily fluids with someone until I’m ready.

Funny how one night stands with strangers are perfectly acceptable yet different rules apply to dates. Hmm. Will keep you posted.

Take the hint pal

Another random date from the past MSN-ed me last night. He gets in touch every now and then but we dated once and only once. He was a great guy but way too short for me and although I kissed him goodbye, it was more a sympathy kiss than a fancy kiss.

Anyway, every time he gets in touch he reminds me about my three date rule, something I must have mentioned to him before our date. The three date rule? Don’t sleep with a guy until the third date, basically. I don’t stick to this rule at all, let’s face it, but I like to pretend I have standards.

This guy was desperate for the third date to come around so he could jump in my pants. As if it’s that easy! Well, on occasions it is, but this guy didn’t get a second date. Take the hint pal.

He suggested meeting up again and I wasn’t too hesitant in saying no way, never, not on your life. I even told him he was too short for me and he didn’t take this as the insult it was intended to be. Ten out of ten for effort, nought out of ten for reading between the lines.

Where there’s a wedding there’s a way

Hoorah, my four months without sex have ended. I think four months is the longest I’ve gone without a bit of bedroom action, apart from a long term relationship I had which involved sex twice a year for a couple of years. Who says a boyfriend equals sex?

Anyway, it’s not that I have a huge libido, I don’t. It’s more a personal challenge thing and I usually set a maximum three month period to go without. Beyond that and I start to get the urge in a major way and although no single girl should be without a vibrator or three, there’s no substitute for getting jiggy with Mr Biggy.

So, after four months without a Mr Biggy in sight, I managed to pull a cute chappy at my mate’s wedding the other week. I had a really good night with him actually, and although the sex was quick and generally not very good because we were both so pissed, I had muchos fun-os. We danced, we talked, we laughed, we chatted with each other’s mate and his arm barely left my waist, which was lovely.

He’s five years younger than me, which usually I’d see as a problem; I’ve always had a thing for older guys and find youngsters a bit less mature. And ,as I’m approaching a certain age, young guys – so my brother tells me – view us as desperate to settle down and trap a guy into a relationship. Kinda true I guess, but not altogether fair. Give us a chance guys!

So, Chappy came across as fun, intelligent and had good manners. Buying me a drink is always good manners in my book. The fact that by the end of the night I’d sunk enough Pinot Grigio to drown an elephant did take the edge of things slightly. I threw up at the end of the night (Chappy doesn’t know this and I did a good job of  getting rid of the evidence – sink stains, bad breath etc) so when he came up to the hotel room we had a fumble and although I don’t consciously remember making a decision to have sex, that’s what we did. It was awkward ‘cos we were in a single bed, we were very drunk and also pretty tired by this point. But hey ho, it’s broken the seal and I’m good for another three or four months.

If it hadn’t been for the booze I don’t think either of us would have slept much. Chappy is quite a big guy and a single bed is no place for two people to enjoy a restful night. We both felt like we’d slept on the bedside table and I’m sure Chappy fell out at one point although I pretended not to notice.

I felt like poo the next morning and made my exit at 8am, doing the walk of shame through the hotel in floaty dress showing a lot of cleavage, and four inch heels. A little over-dressed for breakfast! I kissed Chappy goodbye and left him my number for good measure, not really knowing what to expect or if I was even bothered.

But, Chappy text me later that day and after a week or so of texting we arranged to meet. He was gonna come to my place for a chilled night in last night – and a bit of fumbling if I was lucky. He’d already warned me he was on call and may have to go to work, but that it hardly ever happened, and I had my pre-date afternoon planned – showering, shaving, moisturising and fishing out the candles and matches.

About three hours before he was due at chez moi, he got called to work – two hours away from where I live. Damn it. He was apologetic, bla bla bla, but part of me can’t help wonder if he’s lying and maybe he just chickened out? I don’t know. He has already suggested rearranging for sometime soon but I don’t like to get my hopes up. Guys let girls down all the time and I find it best not to get too excited. It’s a negative viewpoint I know, but the lower the expectation, the less the disappointment.

Anyway, watch this space. I hope me and Chappy hook up again, he was good company. And he looks pretty cute in his Facebook pictures. Thank God I wasn’t wearing me beer goggles that night!