I committed the ultimate sin on Friday night. I’d arranged to hook up with an old flame (a guy who dumped me to concentrate on his career, yeah right!) for a friendly drink as we’d been texting a bit over recent weeks.
I don’t know what it is about this guy ‘cos he isn’t that good looking but there was something about him that attracted me. However, rather than come across as a sexy and confident woman who he’d been a fool to ditch, I got way too pissed and clearly left my dignity and my brain at home.
I pulled my mate from bar to bar trying to find this guy (lots of confusion as to where we were meeting) and basically made a fool of myself. My memory of the night is very blurred but to cut a long story short I ranted at him quite a lot, got agressive, abandomed my mate who had no choice but to chat to my ex’s chubby but cheerful pal, and clearly offended him so much that he stomped off and refused to talk to me. That’s the end of that then.
Although a tad embarrassed about what I may or may not have said to him that night, I’m not too worried about losing him. I never had him in the first place, his job will always come first and he’d lost a lot of weight since I saw him which made him considerably less attractive. I have been referred to as a chubby-chaser before now – I prefer my men with a bit of meat!
What I am embarrassed about is that I became the type of woman I hate. The type of woman who aggressivly won’t let go, who argues for the sake of arguing and bascially comes across as a bit of a nutter. And the ultimate sin is swapping what could have been a good night on the dancefloor with my best pal, for a night spent chasing a loser guy, all for nothing. This is so out of character for me and I feel utterly ashamed.
I’d be the first to shout at my mates for abandoning their friends to chase a guy and I did just that. My poor old mate had no choice but to follow me as I pulled her around in pursuit of….in pursuit of what? I don’t even know! I honestly didn’t want to get back with this guy, and don’t think it was even an option, but just wanted a bit of friendly male company I guess? But I, more than anyone, know that it’s impossible to stay friends with an ex, no matter how hard you try.
There are always issues when relationships end and mine clearly surfaced after a few too many glasses of wine, shots of God knows what and a glass or two of Southern Comfort and coke. No wonder I leapt out of the taxi 100 metres ahead of my front door and hurled all over the pavement. Disaster all round.
My mate has been great, bless her, but nonetheless doesn’t feel guilty about sloping off half a day earlier than expected to go and meet a guy of her own, and I don’t blame her. Usually I would frown on friend abandonment, but I owed her one. She said she had a good night anyway, but I don’t know how. It was pants and a complete waste of a Friday night.
And I still feell terrible. I crossed a line on Friday and although losing the guy isn’t the issue, the way I acted is. Not attractive. Note to self: do not act like that ever, ever, ever again – or I face a lifetime of singledom.
With no male prospects on the horizon and a distinct lack of boys’ phone numbers in my address book, I’m feeling unloved, unattractive and pretty depressed. What does a girl have to do to get a boyfriend? My mates can manage it, and those who are single still have dates.
Three months without bedroom action is the longest I’m prepared to leave it, and this is now month four. Serious dry spell! Anyway, I’m gonna work on a few things in order to make myself more attractive – need to stop eating shit so a detox will start tomorrow, and I’m not going to drink so much when I go out. If it turns me into the monster I was on Friday night then it’s really not worth it. I pride myself on being a regular girl and that’s not who I was on Friday. I was Idiot Girl!
